“If you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go together.”
That’s an old African proverb that’s truer than ever today. Want to get a lot of stuff done, check off all the boxes and move on to the next thing? Do it all yourself. Sure, it’s more work for you. But YOU’RE in total control. You don’t have to listen to people challenging you and questioning you and telling you, Uh, not, sorry, it’s NOT perfect and here’s why.
But if you want to do a job well, with the results you hope for – maybe even exceeding your hopes — work with a partner or a group of partners who share your values and often your life experiences. They can help you to see what works and what doesn’t. They have your back.
These like-minded partners are your tribe, a word that has gone far beyond its original meaning as a clan or group related by blood and marriage. The tribe may not be a literal family, but they still come together to protect each other and look out for their shared needs and interests.
Connecting with My Tribe
I found my tribe in two good friends: Antoinette and Rosie. Once I connected with them, I was finally able to begin moving past the roadblocks in my life.
Antoinette and I talked together about shared visions for our lives. She helped me clarify what I wanted in my life: achieving financial stability for myself and my son, finding the resources I needed to finish my book, getting peace in my life. With her I was able to envision a list of desired accomplishments – not “goals,” exactly, but tangible markers of success and what that would look like. We celebrated when our dreamed accomplishments became realities.
Rosie and I shared the experience of divorce. Together, we worked out the emotional issues connected to this unplanned detour and helped each other get past it. We shared dialogue about how I could write about these and other experiences in my book.
I can’t imagine where I would be if I had continued trying to work through these issues by myself.
How to Find Your Tribe
As always, the process of finding your tribe begins by accepting that you can’t achieve success alone. Only you can perform the actions that get you there, but you need a partner – or several partners – to see where you need to go.
Here are five steps for finding your tribe:
- Decide what you want to accomplish. What’s your ultimate destination? What does success look like for you? Make this a big-picture look at the future but express it like the present and state your dreams as though they’ve already come true. Not “I WANT to be financially independent” or “I WANT to write a best-selling self-help book” but “I AM financially independent” or “My self-help book IS on The New York Times Best Sellers list.”
- Determine what you need to succeed. Are you less than a genius when it comes to money management? Are you headed into some rocky times in your relationship? Or do you just need someone who can give you the “tough love” you need to get moving?
- Define your values. What motivates you? What does success actually mean to you, and what are the acceptable means with which to achieve it. Look for people who share your values.
- Be creative in where you look for your tribe members. Start with friends but understand that you can look beyond them. Maybe none of your friends can meet these particular needs. Groups on Meetup and Facebook can be excellent sources. If one of your accomplishments involves taking a class or learning a new skill, your classmates could become your tribe.
- Ask for help! You’d be surprised how many people leave out this final step. Another old saying I live by is “If you don’t ask, you don’t get.”
Once you have your tribe, be ready to make adjustments. You may find new members you wish to add, and it’s OK to drop the ones who don’t work for you. (Caution: If friends are in your tribe, it doesn’t mean dropping the friendship, just their use as a tribal resource.)
And don’t be surprised if someone in your tribe turns out to be looking for someone just like you to add to their tribe.
Your Starting Point
Start your journey to success with the Passion Test, which uses a series of questions to identify the top five passions that drive you. You’ll then work with Heather D. Mahoney, a certified Passion Test facilitator, to orient your life in alignment with your passions and create the life you’ve always wanted. Your first step? Take Heather’s free assessment.